If you’re not currently the parent of a 3 year old girl you may not know that Tinkerbell is really popular right now. And I mean super popular. Like, pants-wetting popular.
And no, sadly, that’s not just an expression.
Seeing as how I own both an iPhone and a 3 year old, it was only a matter of time before I acquired Disney’s Fairies Fly game for the iPhone. (iTunes link)
You know how a human being can eat almost anything if hungry enough? I can now tell you that a human being can also play almost anything if bored enough. And so this weekend I played Fairies Fly.
Ok, so here we go. It can’t be that bad, right?
Yeah yeah. Let’s get on with this. There was an intro video about the wonder of nature which I’ll spare you. Here’s our selection screen.
Well that’s just great. I know that unlocking special content is an annoying ‘feature’ of video games we all have to live with. But I didn’t think it would extend to games aimed at people who can’t even pour juice for themselves.
I can’t even choose all the fairies yet! What the hell. What if I want to play as Vidia?
Oh, uhm…wait. No, I did not just identify a Tinkerbell character by silhouette alone. Sure, I’ve seen both Tinkerbell films 4,000 times each by now, but it’s not like I’ve been paying attention or anything.
Come on, get real.
Ok. Fine. I’ll play Silvermist.
So the game is pretty easy. You tilt the phone to fly higher and lower while you try to collect flowers.
It’s sort of easy but also kind of fun.
Oh my god! Bees!
I just got hit in the face by a frick’n bee! This is not cool!
They’re not stopping! You can try to avoid them, but they’re everywhere!
Ok. So that didn’t go so well.
Listen, uh…let’s just keep this our little secret. You don’t have to tell anyone that I crashed and burned on the Fairy game.
Nor do you have to tell them that I know who Vidia and Silvermist are.
And…well, I’d better stop talking now.